This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The uberlube is also flammable
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
