heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
