worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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