It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
