The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
