I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
