Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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