there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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