You smell like a Billy Joel song
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
