my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
