goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
