I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
