You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
