what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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