I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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