hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
