I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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