i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
