Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
