And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
