Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
