dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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