i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did i walk over a car last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
