Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want her autograph on my taint
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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