Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
