that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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