Do you still have your period?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
