PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
