also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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