She's JV to your varsity
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
