I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
