Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
