But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you will always have a special place in my vag
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
