so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
