i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
