I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
