i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
