I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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