Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
