I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
