My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
