so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
