I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
