you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I came so hard my ears popped.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
