I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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