3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Text me some of your sweat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
