well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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