I murdered the dance floor call the cops
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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