ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
