We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
